I have started to think ahead on these things. My husband travels quite a bit and so I am trying to be kinder to myself by intentionally scheduling in my own needs.
I pre-think a lot of my children’s needs at the beginning of the year, so why not my own?
So, I want to ask…
What might being kinder to yourself this year look like for you?
I would encourage you to make an actual list. A list of things that fill your cup, help you relax, keep you healthy and bring you Joy. And start being intentional about incorporating these things into your life.
*Important to note- Being kinder to yourself might be more about taking things OFF your to do list not adding more things on. Self Care can just feel like another thing we are failing at, and not the intention of this blog. Just wanted to inspire you to think of thing you can do for You!
Here is how I start:
Big ticket items to plot into your calendar:
The things you don’t have to consider frequently but you really should make time for.
When was your last Skin check, pap smear, breast check, general check-up, visit to the dentist?
Maybe you have a specialist you are overdue to see?
Maybe you have an ailment you need addressed- book in an assessment.
If investing into your own health is a kindness you would like to extend to yourself- book it in.
Did you want to plan a holiday this year?
With the kids, without the kids, whether local or far away. The sooner you get that in the calendar, you already get return on that investment because you will be looking forward to it. And you are more likely to work life around it if it already booked in, instead of seeing it slip sadly out of your calendar all together.
Maybe you feel in a rut? Professionally, emotionally, financially, physically, socially. What would it take to move you out of that rut? Some coaching, advise, a consult, a certain support network?
Maybe you don’t feel you are worth that investment? That in itself is a mindset worth investing into working on. Because you are!!!
Regular Rhythms that serve you:
What are things that need to be booked and budgeted for in time and money, but if in your calendar they will serve the positive rhythm of your life?
A regular beauty treatment such as massage, hair appointments, nails, facial.
Weekend away with partner or friends, date days.
Date days with the kids.
Fun outings to look forward to.
Regular fitness class or activity.
Regular counselling sessions.
Regular time to be creative
What things could you do daily to show yourself kindness?
Things you know you enjoy and help you feel more aligned.
Is it exercise?
Is it drinking more?
Is it Eating a certain way?
Is it more time with the kids?
Is it more time with other Mums?
Is it more time outdoors?
Is it more time in the kitchen? Less time in the kitchen?
A moment with a book
A moment to touch up your nails
Drinking a coffee in the morning sun
Whatever it is for you? Could you pick one and start to implement it each day?
Not out of a ‘have to’ mindset but just because you want to be kinder to yourself.
When you are truly at the end of your rope and need something to help NOW.
Thinking about what would help you most in these moments and positioning yourself to be able to tap into these things more easily and quickly. You don’t want to reach a breaking point and have no plan of how to tap into help. Your future self will thank you for pre-thinking about this.
Look at the list of the things that fill your cup, help you relax or bring you Joy,
Consider which of these things you could action quickly should you need to.
For example: if going for a walk rejuvenates you, is there someone you can call on to watch the kids for an hour, or plan to walk out of the house as soon as your partner walks in?
If an hour alone in a coffee shop with a book fills you up, can you make that happen?
Even just brewing a hot cup of tea and sitting outside for 10mins can break the flow of adrenaline to your declining temperament. What would it take to make that happen?
It may just be a plan to put your baby in the cot where they are safe and stand in the shower for a few minutes to cancel the crying, so that you can reproach your baby calmly again. It is wise to have a plan.
If you need the support of other people to help make some of these things happen- plan for that now.
It could be as simple as having a hypothetical conversation with your partner about when I start acting like this…. Then I need you to run me a bath and put the kids to bed while I’m in it. Or you need to go get me my favourite ice cream and leave me alone with a chick flick. Having that conversation now might be so much more helpful later.
If being able to drop the kids somewhere/ have them looked after so that you can just get away for an hour would be helpful. Start training up a babysitter to be able to recruit, or chat to a friend and intentionally put things in place so that you could leave them at her house- practice doing so, so that when you really must, it will be easier on the kids.
Book in and acquaint yourself with a service like BMOCS- occasional care, so that that is an option should you need to drop your child somewhere.
If you find yourself so isolated with no capacity to build yourself some support or pay for it. Be aware of local resources you can tap into- CLICK HERE
You deserve to have yourself and your needs prioritised. Mums are not good at this, but we deserve to be the recipients of our own Kindness and Compassion!